Rectify Gaming

Coffee Crisis Review

Coffee Crisis Review
  • 4/10
    Total Score - 4/10


Mega Cat studios have created a game that fulfills what a side-scrolling brawler should be.


Heavy Metal and Coffee, what a way to start off the day am I right? Okay probably not for too many of us out there, an idea that “Disturbed” many out there but was the idea that made Black Forge Coffee House stand out. Yet little did they know that invaders were coming to take away everything that they had worked for. This story unfolds in Pittsburgh,PA There are actual locations from the steel city that the player will guide the brave baristas through secret bases, to PNC park where the Pittsburgh Pirates play, this is a beat em up that harkens back to the arcade days and using spare change to continue your playthrough. 

The game begins with a …wizard wearing a tin foil hat, so we obviously must listen to what he has to say.

The Smurglians have come to earth and not for a fresh non-dairy latte, but worse! It is revealed they have stolen our Wi-Fi and shoved their version of the internet (the smurnet).  Now they want our heavy metal and retro beloved video games as well, I am not making this up. Before you have time to comprehend all this, it’s time to defend the coffee shop. That is the entire plot of the game, it is self aware that it’s throwing together cowboys, the elderly, and professor xavier rejects at you, but the gameplay at least backs up the insane storyline.

Nick is more top heavy which leads to killing enemies faster, while Ashley is nimble and can land hits without taking that much damage in the process. The button assigned for grappling enemies is also used to pick up various objects on the ground to leave your enemies thunderstruck. These range from Guitars, baseball bats, metal bars left behind by some clumsy construction workers. Be careful with these objects as they have a slow start up to attack, so your character will be left wide open for damage. The guitar proved very useful as it can provide ranged damage and melee damage also.


You start off with three lives to beat the game, with your health bar and a combo counter in the upper left hand corner. A hand that freaks out whenever you do well is kind of blocking where your health starts so you don’t notice until have taken a few jabs to the face. Early on i confused it for a special meter and kept doing my special spinning attack, but soon realized it is actually taking away health for using that move. Modifiers are on in the beginning, which you have a choice to turn off so one can play the game as vanilla as possible.Some modifiers require you to show off your wild side and mash buttons since things can get out of had. Some are positive such as retro spaceship, bald eagles, or even invincibility. On the other hand the negatives come heavy with slower movement, tougher enemies, and bullets coming from off screen. I thought the game would be easier playing it vanilla, yet i was wrong because those eagles saved me time and time again.

 After running through the first couple of levels the game grows in not only difficulty but the amount enemies that come at you. Trying to do a simple 1-2-3 combo proves fatal in a crowd of 6-7 enemies equipped with melee and ranged attacks. So i had to change up my fighting style into jumping and dive kicking like a maniac and going to grab attacks. Grab attacks mainly because i don’t take damage while in the grapple and throw animations (Invincibility frames). Even with changing up my style i found myself continuously being overrun by enemy numbers and not even chances to recover and throw a punch.

The player travels into the void and will end up in multiple well designed areas. There is a vibrant feel from neon colors and graphics of the sega genesis era which I didn’t grow up with. So being able to get a glimpse into how gamers of the past experienced retro gaming was welcoming. Composed by AJ Noe & Mitch Foster with assistance band Pittsburgh Metal band Greywalker.The soundtrack is satisfying to hear on PC as you spin through waves of enemies and double bass drums cheer you on.


Mega Cat studios have created a game that fulfills what a side-scrolling brawler should be. What it lacks in innovation it tries to make up for it with it’s self aware story and wacky modifiers that changes the game,  Luckily there are passcodes to take you back to the level you died on, if you remembered to write it down. So grab a friend, a cup of joe and prepare to Brew the day!

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